Here I go again...

having that "just a perfect day", soaking up the sun in the park, dressed like a kiddo that denies growth, swinging on roller-blades to my music and thoughts, taking time to twist and turn and cling on to him, smiling largely (and silly) at the sight of my first blossomed tree, indulging in amusement the comments of the skating teens staring at my green cabbage-skirt and nosy ponytail, laughing at crazy playful Tori (the labrador) and her two new pointer-friends, raising my eyes from the rolling track just to be amazed by the scenery, taking deep breaths, gulping in the spring air, the wind, the blue sky and the white tree silhouette, chatting with calm sis who had too much to drink the other night and to Muler and his cheerful Vespa (Muler who reffers to me always as Claudiu's irina - no caps in my name for I am small and needy, oh I'm talking jeberish!!), pausing at times, taming my heartbeats and hoping nothing wrongs this day, picking someone's lost button from the pavement and making it my souvenir for this day, planning to sew it to my lucky shirt. Here I go again, fearing to let go totally and enjoy, fearing something bad might happen, just like we both feared when we crashed into each-other all those years ago and whenever things seemed too perfect. Here I go again like I've always been. It's that voice again. The me that knows that life is also about hard and nasty things, grandma's girl, wise and modest, fearing vanity. Well I know I'm looking happy and all...but I never take things for granted ...so there's no need for anyone or anything to teach me a lesson and ruin my good day. Just because I decided to let go of fear and enjoy my good times. Stop chasing shadows just enjoy the ride. Right?